The R-Word

There seems to be wide appeal in our society to use the word “retard” to describe someone—or something—that is despicable and beneath standards. Recently, I have heard this word thrown around like it is in vogue. I don’t understand. Even when I was a kid, it never occurred to me to use the word to belittle someone. But perhaps that is because my parents raised me with a sense of kindness toward others, a sensibility to the fact that not everyone comes from a cookie-cutter mold—like the mold that formed an “intellectual” like Bill Maher. Much to my chagrin, I mention him because back in 2001, he compared “retarded children” to dogs and stated that “they’re not a regular person”.

Quite recently, I have heard the word tossed around by teens at an area ski resort who used it to describe someone’s poor boarding technique; a woman at a PEAK parent conference (PEAK is an organization that works to help parents and teachers advocate for children with disabilities) who was describing an uncooperative computer; Will Ferrell in his movie Semi Pro to get an audience laugh (instead of laughing, my husband and I turned the movie off); a writer describing Bush’s presidency; and Ben Stiller and Robert Downey Jr. who freely used the word “retard” in the movie Tropic Thunder (“You never go full retard”).

According the the Special Olympics website, “Most people don’t think of this word as hate speech, but that’s exactly what it feels like to millions of people with intellectual disabilities, their families and friends. This word is just as cruel and offensive as any other slur”. Simply stated: this is hate language. And language defines our society and culture. Don’t think so? Make a list of all the derogatory words associated with women and people of ethnicity. Now do the same thing with men and white people. I’ll save you the time: there is a huge disparity. Additionally, people do not choose their gender, their ethnicity, or their conditions. Yet, they are discriminated against.

My youngest son, Zane, was born with Trisomy 18. Because of it, he is cognitively disabled. He likely will never speak; he will receive special-education services in school; and he will never be capable of abstract thought. Yet, he has positively impacted and touched countless lives—even of those who have never met him—because he has reintroduced people to the concepts of compassion and appreciation for life. While Zane may never earn a college degree, host a talk show, write a blog, or make a movie; he possesses the emotional intelligence of Ghandi. And, frankly, I think that says a lot. This is more than can be said for Bill Maher, whose emotional intelligence—by all appearances—seems quite stunted.

As a side note, you would think that a cognitively-advanced person such as Maher wouldn’t make a blatant grammatical error (shouldn’t he say “they’re not regular people?” instead of “they’re not a regular person”?). Maybe it’s time for him to brush up on English 101. Of course, you don’t hear me calling him names for a grammar faux pa that most middle-school students would catch.

(“Spread the Word to End the Word” is on March 31st. Special Olympics is calling for a national day of awareness for America to stop and think about their use of the R-word. Actor and activist John C. McGinley, from the show Scrubs, is making national media appearances on behalf of the campaign. Visit http://www.specialolympics.org/stw_resources.aspx and do your part to stop the hate).

Also, watch http://www.specialolympics.org/video_soeren.aspx. I only wish all people were as perceptive as he is!