Friday, April 1, 2011

Shelley Watters 140-Character Pitch Contest

Okay, so this is a first: Posting twice in one day. However, Shelley Watters is having a phenomenal blogfest contest.

The lowdown: create a 140-character Twitter pitch on a finished manuscript. The winner receives a full manuscript request from agent Suzie Townsend of Fine Print Literary Management.

I considered posting tomorrow under A to Z Challenge (letter B for Blogfest), but I could use a little extra feedback today.

That being said, here is mine. Please feel free to comment and critique.

Title: Outcast
Genre: YA Contemporary
Word count: 87,850

When bullied Noelle seeks revenge, she doesn’t expect to hurt her friend or fall for the guy she uses. Vengeance comes with a hefty price.

Revised: Bullied by the pop crowd, Noelle seeks revenge. Everything unravels when she falls for the guy she uses and her best friend interferes.

Remember to visit the A to Z entry below, featuring the fAbulous Ali Cross.

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16 comments:

  1. Corinne OApril 1, 2011 at 10:48 AM

    it sounds great! I would pick this up to find out more. Good luck in the contest. :)

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  2. Kittie HowardApril 1, 2011 at 11:08 AM

    I like it!! But kinda think, there should be a comma after 'bullied' and a period after 'revenge' with a capital 'She' -

    I don't do Twitter, sorry! (Tried it, but just don't have time.)

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousApril 1, 2011 at 11:30 AM

    Hello! I see where you are going, that story goes into hrting her friend etc. BUT I would say that no one would expect that. Does that make sense?
    Noelle is bullied by (?)-the antag- and... seks revenge for...

    Reading this, it almost seems as though I know the end. I DON'T want to know the end. I want to read the story to FIND out what happens. I have NO idea if this makes any sense LOL. Let me know if not : ) GOOD LUCK

    ReplyDelete
  4. Scott SpringerApril 1, 2011 at 11:48 AM

    I would like to read more. You packed a lot into the 140 chars.

    The first two clauses are complete sentences, though, making this a comma splice. I'd look into that. Otherwise, Great job and good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  5. M.J. FifieldApril 1, 2011 at 12:46 PM

    I think you managed to get a lot into 140 characters. It's very hard to do. Makes me interested in learning more.

    Best of luck to you!


    M.J. Fifield
    My Pet Blog

    ReplyDelete
  6. KaleenApril 1, 2011 at 1:26 PM

    Sounds good! I agree with the previous comments about the punctuation, but otherwise good. Best of luck

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  7. S.A. HusseyApril 1, 2011 at 2:11 PM

    I agree with the above posts on punctuation as well. I like it, gives me everything I want to know. Good luck.

    Also, thank you for your earlier comments to my post - made some changes and posted another pitch.

    Thanks again.

    Steph

    ReplyDelete
  8. Susan OloierApril 1, 2011 at 2:58 PM

    Thanks so, so much for all of the helpful tips. I have posted a revised pitch based on your wonderful recommendations. You all are the best!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousApril 1, 2011 at 4:37 PM

    I like the revision. Maybe "everything unravels when she falls for the guy she uses" would be a punchier ending to your sentence. The "best friend interferes" bit sounds like it's tacked on. Either way, though, I'd read this!

    ReplyDelete
  10. douglas esperApril 1, 2011 at 5:19 PM

    "the pop crowd" is a little dated...but i understood where you were going with it. also i agree the ending about the friend seems awkward/tacked on...maybe more info on the guy she uses would fit better? keep writing and good luck!!
    douglas esper

    ReplyDelete
  11. Teralyn Rose PilgrimApril 1, 2011 at 6:33 PM

    I like it. The only part I didn't like was "she uses," because it made me stop and wonder. Maybe you could say, "Bullied by the pop crowd, Noelle uses a guy to seek revenge. Everything unravels when she falls for him and her best friend interferes."

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  12. UnknownApril 1, 2011 at 7:19 PM

    I like the revision. Good luck with the contest.

    ReplyDelete
  13. erica m. chapmanApril 1, 2011 at 10:43 PM

    You know, I like the first one. LOL We are all so subjective! I would lose "hefty" and exchange it with something else, or just leave it out.

    When A bullied Noelle seeks revenge, she doesn’t expect to hurt A friend or fall for the guy she uses. Vengeance comes with a hefty price.

    Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousApril 2, 2011 at 10:45 AM

    I agree with Erica I like the first one better. It is more powerful although it the first one we do not know that her best friend interferes. Is that really important info? Perhaps you could find a way to combine the two.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Margo BerendsenApril 2, 2011 at 11:30 AM

    I think the 2nd one is stronger but it needs some of the "voice" of the first. Something memorable or quirky about this girl maybe?

    ReplyDelete
  16. UnknownApril 2, 2011 at 6:04 PM

    Like it. It definitely makes me want to read it.

    ReplyDelete

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